NEWS

Optimus Prime in flames

OPTIMUS PRIME BATTLES CANCER

Pre-production shut down today on Michael Bay’s “Transformers 3,” after engineers at Peterbilt confirmed that one of the film’s primary actors has second stage cancer.

“2012” REWRITE DAMAGES MAYAN TEMPLE

The Guatemalan Government has issued a formal request to the United States for the extradition of two Hollywood screenwriters they accuse of rewriting an ancient Mayan stone relief at the Temple of Masks in Waxaktun.

Ancient Mayan Temples
Elusive Silver Surfer

SILVER SURFER WANTED FOR MURDER

The Silver Surfer has killed at least a dozen reporters during an impromptu press conference at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, where the superhero had been admitted after suffering “nervous fatigue.”

SWAT team attempt rescue

JOHN WAYNE GACY EXPELLED FROM AMERICAN UNION OF CLOWNS

Sexual sadist and serial killer John Wayne Gacy, who has been burning in hell since 1994, received yet another blow yesterday when his membership in the “American Union of Clowns” was summarily revoked.

John Wayne Gacy in hell
The burning sun

SCIENTESTS DISCOVER HUGE BURNING ORB IN SKY

Astronomers at the Urundi Peak Observatory in Western Australia have discovered that the Earth is orbiting an enormous, yellow star.

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