MUG OF THE MONTH

Julian Beck flashes a winning smile as he attempts to pick up Heather O’Rourke’s soul.
Things begin to go wrong the moment Craig T. Nelson asks for the final shipping destination.

Stanton pursues Jones into a vast, dimly lit room on “C” deck.
The three mammoth towers suspended from the ceiling are part of the ship’s cooling system,
though for unknown reasons the one of the left dispenses snacks and ice-cold soft drinks.

Even die-hard garden gnome collectors wouldn’t put
this grinning, skull-headed, quasi-religious, fucked-up figurine on their lawn.

Craig T. Nelson refuses to shake hands with a dead, insane, demonically-possessed 18th century preacher.
A copy of this still has been forwarded to the “Museum of Tolerance.”

Word hasn’t reached “The Other Side” that when you come for a child it’s better not to dress as a priest.

Carol Anne has no memory of poltergeists or the weeks she spent inside the family TV.
She’s ten-years old, wanders around in her jammies and talks her bear all day.
Is she really going to miss her soul?
Couldn’t they just hand it over and then take her to McDonalds if she starts whining?

Beck frets as Carol Anne argues that the family should go inside to watch TV.
He has miscalculated and arrived just as the last episode of “Family Ties” is about to air.

Disappointment clouds Beck’s face. God… didn’t we all think that show would just go on forever?

Carol Anne casts a concerned look at screenwriter and director, Gary Sherman who is
visiting the set and taking detailed notes on each story element he will need
to remove or thoroughly fuck-up when he makes Poltergeist III.

Craig T. Nelson is cautious and overly protective as many father’s are the first time
a hundred year-old stranger takes an interest in their ten-year old daughter.

Beck masks his feelings as he learns that Craig T. Nelson is jobless, depressed
and struggling with low self-esteem.

After “Cocoon” old people experienced a surge in popularity that lasted almost three months.
Beck’s appearance in Poltergeist II ended the trend as it reminded audiences how horrific
the elderly look and how they tend to prattle on about their aches and pains.

Craig T. Nelson realizes that organized religion is a total crock of shit
whether your work for God or the Devil.

Nelson retreats behind the screen door.
Lacking faith, agents of Satan can be held at bay by a thin wire mesh.

Beck attempts to lure Nelson back onto the porch with a vivid demonstration of
something he saw on Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week.”

Nelson hasn’t seen anything like this since he watched a girl swallow an entire loaf of bread
at a party during his sophomore year in college.
That beautiful, twenty-one year old stranger would later become his wife.

If we dug up Nixon and he ran for office, it would probably look something like this.

Craig T. Nelson reacts with horror as Beck momentarily takes on the form of a group
of liberals with a fiscally irresponsible, social agenda.

The shot that landed Beck the lead role in Wes Craven’s ill-fated remake of “Witness”
where the Amish relentlessly pursue a detective and a small child
who have taken refuge in a quaint, metropolitan police station.

Straight From The Horse’s Mouth – October’s Mug Of The Month